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Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (Recap)

DAZZLE

PREVIOUSLY, ON BREAKING DAWN PART 1:

Footface and Bells tied the knot,

And Pedowulf fell for the tot,

SMeyer cried

While my brain cells were fried

AND NONE OF THESE THINGS HAS A PLOT.

I think I know why Washington state legalized marijuana now. Collapse )

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DAZZLE
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Breaking Dawn, Part 1 Recap

DAZZLE
I'm a masochist. No really, I must be. I have a day off of school for Thanksgiving and this is how I choose to spend my time. I set out my turkey to thaw and even the fucking bird was judging me for this.

Ugh.

All right, here we go. The first half of Breaking Dawn, the book unnecessarily split up into two movies despite the fact that it has no. fucking. plot.
Fuckery most foul this way.Collapse )














Jun. 17th, 2011

DAZZLE
Mitt Romney is a fucking moron. I hope a tornado destroys his house.

A Quick Word

DAZZLE
I. HATE. Cassandra Clare. I absolutely hate her.

That's all.
DAZZLE
I can't believe I'm doing this, but I find myself up early with only a mild hangover and nothing to do but wait until it goes away. So instead of taking Tylenol with a bit of the hair of the dog that bit me, per se, I instead will be fanning the flames of my headache and nausea to the point of excruciating pain.

It wouldn't be Black Friday without a little bit of masochism, right? And seeing as how it's thirty degrees in the middle of Texas today, I refuse to venture out of my bedroom and partake in the post-Thanksgiving tradition of getting trampled in department stores. Nothing like a good bout of pain to kick off the Christmas season, right? 

Humans are strange.

So here it is, Rachel's recap of the third installment in the Twilight saga, Eclipse. Enough prevaricating. Ravyn, if you were on I'd watch this with you. I know how much you enjoy my outrage at SMeyer's drivel. Let me slip on my brass knuckles and get to watching the fail.



I've said it before, and I'll say it again: DIE, SMEYER.Collapse )

Stephenie, Stephenie, Stephenie. Thank you so much. I am now dumber for having had to sit through that shit. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.





DAZZLE
WAS AMAZING.

Except  they left out the fucking scene where Lupin gets verbally castrated by Harry in Grimmauld Place, which was something I really waned to see. Also, the dancing scene. Jesus Jack Russell Christ, what the actual fuck was the dancing scene?? Anyone who's seen it will know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about.

The whole movie was intense. The beginning was intense. The Dark Lord Ascending Scene was intense. THE HORCRUX SCENE WAS INTENSE. Only Bellatrix Lestrange can be the HBIC and make me want to throttle her simultaneously. Needless to say, I hate the fact that I have to wait for part two. Fucking Warner Bros.

I sat in front of some Twihards who were discussing how long Edward can go in the missionary position before blowing his load. What. And the chick behind me would literally growl whenever Voldemort was on screen and when Dobby died, she sobbed. SOBBED.

But it was nice. They managed to include a lot of stuff from the books, but as usual, some stuff was altered. Not too badly mangled, though. There wasn't enough Snape for my liking, but there never really is enough Snape to satisfy me. DanRad's acting was really amazing this time around. The locales were beautiful, the apparating and spells were well done. However, Steve Kloves and David Yates are still hardcore Harmonians and they can kindly GTFO with their non-canon bullshit pairing.

I had a really big, fun audience who applauded and laughed and were equally dismayed at the What-The-Hell moments. Like the dancing scene. L'awkward. But I can't help feeling like a significant chapter in my life is coming to a close with the release of the DH movies, and it's rather sad. And weird. Sad and weird. But mostly sad.

Oh, and we saw a trailer for a movie called Cowboys & Aliens. And yes, it is exactly how it sounds. Mein Gott.

WHAT.

DAZZLE
Is Taylor Swift serious? 

IS SHE FUCKING SERIOUS? 

I can't even.

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